Happy autumn from Ann Arbor, MI and Waco, TX!
In my last post I answered a question I’m asked over and over … how to get my husband on board with hiring a professional organizer!
When a wife is super excited about the prospect of conquering chaos and ending up with a space that’s been organized it can be tough if the husband is hanging back – or just plain against the idea.
In that last post talked about ways you can approach your husband if he likes the idea of an organized home but doesn’t want to invest in making happening. Sometimes that’s a question of dollars and cents and sometimes husbands feel like the two of you can get it figured out on your own.
So what happens when your husband is 100% behind you getting the house organized, but just isn’t willing to participate in the process and doing the work?
That’s a tough one! But I have some ideas on how you can deal with this situation. It’s not as uncommon as you might think.
How do you convince your hubby to organize and declutter his stuff?
I know that might be a bit tough to hear – and maybe wasn’t what you were hoping for. The truth is there’s not a single, simple phrase or action that’s going to convince a reluctant husband to organize his stuff on your timetable (and sometimes not at all!).
Think about the last time someone tried to change your mind on a topic that was important to them. Like politics! You might have heard a series of logical arguments on why you should change your mind on a vote, a candidate, a position, or an idea. And while those might have been really good logical arguments, you probably need to let them gel in the back of your mind for quite a while before you have a change of heart. Or maybe you need to see the change in action before you decide if it’s a good idea for you personally.
The same holds true for organizing! After working with hundreds of families, I know that decluttering is an emotional process. While sometimes everyone in the family is on board at the outset, often one or more family members aren’t ready for the transition.
Seven suggestions that may help:
1 // Find your common ground. Focus on what you want as a couple – or a family – and use that as a starting point. It’s rare that one person is completely opposed to the idea of a clean and organized home. Usually their reluctance to participate is a fear of being judged for their “stuff” and the decisions that have led to the clutter.
2 // Focus on your stuff. There’s a lot in a house that you have control over – maybe most of it! Anything that is “your” space is fair game, as are your possessions and the ones your husband doesn’t care about. Feel free to organize the things you legitimately have control over.
3 // Keep personal possessions out of common areas. Your common living spaces aren’t the place to store personal possessions. When common areas are free of personal possessions, you’ll be able to enjoy them more – and the visual reminders of someone else’s “stuff” won’t be facing you at all times.
4 // Don’t lord your organized spaces over your husband’s cluttered ones. Rather than pick at him for the messes he (still) has, enjoy the gains you have made. Quietly. To yourself. Your organized spaces, and the calm they create, will be a great example for your husband.
5 // Don’t be sneaky. You might be tempted to start going through your husband’s personal possessions. After all, would he really notice if you removed those T-shirts he hasn’t worn since college, or those old textbooks? As hard as it might be, don’t remove someone else’s possessions without their permission.
6 // Don’t let clutter divide you. Love and appreciate your husband for all the wonderful things he brings to the relationship. Don’t resent him for not being ready to organize and declutter his universe, even if you’ve already done that in yours.
7 // Be patient. Sometimes a little patience is all you need. When your husband sees the benefits of an organized home and doesn’t feel pushed to help, he may come around and decide he’s ready to do his part. Now you can use all the skills you’ve learned in organizing your space to help him organize his space!
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